Thursday, March 31, 2005

2 offical days in Nanyang passed. I guess it was alright for me. It was not fantastic neither very bad. How should I say, today seemed to pass very quickly than yesterday because I only had 1 econs lecture.

Yesterday, I must say I really missed TJ very much. Sitting in the LT all by myself during the Maths lecture, I stared at those in front. It reminds me of the last three months in TJ and I missed so many things.

I miss the old blue LT1
I miss the broken chairs and tables
I miss the times when we spy on people.
I miss the TK people who always gossip in the LT.
I miss the lecturers who speak so softly over the microphone
I miss the sitting in front of the so-called popular gang and eavsdropping on their stupid conversation

I guess I miss everything but I am trying to adapt. Luckily at NY there's Wan Jie and Fly. Haha, Fly and me kind of clicked immediately at there. We only had each other because she only knew me there, and I only knew her especially when Wan Jie had to go off for other stuff.

2 of us were like walking around during the CCA bazzar yesterday and she just signed up for photog. soc within 1 minute. I was the first on the Judo club list. Haha... I hope I will like NY more soon. I am looking forward to Judo, but it ends only at 7pm, training 3 times a week. Sigh, looks like I'll only reach home around 9 plus.

[so much for my happy ending]

Posted by jieyi at 2:18 PM

Monday, March 28, 2005

How should I describe today to be. A day of surprises? A tired day? I do not really know. It was a day when I know my weakness and my fears.

Everyone was encouraging me to go up and talk to the principal today. But I was really scared. They asked me, "Why are you afraid? You have nothing to lose already." Yet I felt extremely weak inside. I did not know why did I felt that way at that point of time. I lacked the courage to do so. But why?
I pondered for a moment and thought back. I realised I was afraid to lose nothing but hope itself, a glimpse of hope that keeps me going on. As the doors of TJ is closed to me, I have to proceed on to another path of my life. Another new school, new environment and new people, just like back to day one of 2005.

I have to thank all my dear friends who have kept me company throughout these whole episode. I believe it is the first time that anyone had seen me cried so much and so long. I feel so weak and such a loser. Do not worry for me. Give me some space and some time. I will be back. soon.

Xin Yi: I know that you really want to help me a lot. But you do not know what to do for me. Thank you for just sitting around with me, giving me chocolates and roses. You do not need to say anything, because your presence have already told me everything.

Sybil: Whenever you try to pon school, I am always the one who thwarts your plan. You always stay back and keep me company, though you do not always give constructive comments and crack lame jokes, but that is just you. Thank you for being you and always being there for me.

Keow: You were so emotional when you got posted to YJ la! Cried non-stop, but after your appeal back was successful, you tried to encourage me as far as you can. Her motto for me: If you persist on, you can make it. Though I did not make it back, but I am quite thankful that you are always the one who pushes me on.

Simeng: Our mass spaming to your phone always works. Just one call and you will try all your best to come down to join us for dinner. I know you did not join us because you wanted to eat, but you wanted to encourage me. Thank you for helping me contact Ah Du and you constantly want me to keep you updated of my appeals. I am so touched by your concerns. Friends forever ok?

Wan Jie: Being alone in a new JC is a really terrifying experience, especially when you do not really want to be there. I was so glad that you were in the same OG as me. You kept me company whenever I went NY and go through all those shit. I would not have made it till so far, pass those "Series of Misfortunate Events" without you being there. You rock!

Li Huan: It was so nice of you to bring me around MJ when I called you all of a sudden to tell you that I was appealing to MJ. You kept me occupied by telling me all about MJ and remember the time when we met Mr Cooler? Haha..I think I will be meeting you soon there. And anyway, we still have not gone for our sakae sushi thing. So sorry that I cancelled it.

MS, Cherlyn and Hui Yi: Thank you so much for all your encouragement. You all always try to ease the tension by creating those lame jokes especially Cherlyn, who attempted to SWIM on the floor of the Children Section in MP library. Although I may not seem bothered by your jokes then, but I was listening to it. I really appreciate your efforts though. Moreover, MS, don't be feeling too lonely in our CG when I am not there. There's always Ian and Xin Ni. They are very nice people[: Hui Yi!!! I will miss our outings together especially on Mondays to Bedok Interchange.

Kah Sing: Today you spent about 2 hours trying to convince me to go up again to Mrs Lim to re appeal. Although I was not very convinced, but I was thinking that god is very kind to have send me this friend who is sitting right in front of me, trying his best to help me stay on. Although we have not known each other for long, it feels like we have went through so much together. You knew how I was feeling about everything and spur me to continue on. I am so sorry that I was so not responsive to your repeated encouragements. Truly sorry. Love you so much.

Mathias[the english pro]: You were so nice to help me edit my appeal letter for a few times. Thank you so much for initiating to help me collect testimonials from all my friends to give it to Mrs Lim. You spent so much effort in doing it that made me set up my mind to approach her for the last time. Will miss the time when we cracked lame jokes during taekwondo trainings.

Zhi Yong: I felt so thankful that you left your OG today to sit with us. Although for most of the time you did not speak much, for Kah Sing and Mathias was going on and on to me, but I could see that you were patiently quietly encouraging me. It was nice to see you there for your presence was what I needed. You told me that leaders should never give up, yeah, I have tried my best already, and I do not think I will regret it. Don't worry so much, because as long as you and I do not give up, we still can continue this friendship[:

Leand+Nat: Thanks for all the sweet sms that you have send to me. I will not worry so much and stuff. You 2 rock~

Manda: Saved the last space for you. Heh. I think I have already told you what I want to tell you over the phone. For the last whole week, thank you for being there, listening to me. Although you did not say much, but you were there to listen to me and see me cry. Thank you for always being there, lending me your shoulders and giving me the space that I sometimes do need. Thank you for always letting me disturb you even if it is late in the night. Thank you for all the little things that you do to make me a little happier. I believe my thank you list can go on forever. Will miss you utterly when I leave.

Just wish that time never moves on. But I can see that tomorrow is approaching and I have to go on.

Your quote: A strange place is part of life, we cannot move on if we stick to the familiar.

Posted by jieyi at 11:32 PM

Sunday, March 27, 2005

For once in my life, I feel lost. I don't know where to go and what to do. I need help. But thank you everyone for being there. I know that you will always be at the ending line waiting for me. Although you all did not walk beside me, but I know all of you are trying to wait for me. Thank you so much.

Love you so much and thank you for your message. It is the first time I received such a long message from you today,and I thank god that you are here.

But I just think that everyone is only almost here for me. Because I know that I have to face it all alone to make it back to all of you.

But when I need you
You're almost here
And I know that's
Not enough
But when I'm with you
I'm close to tears'
Cause you're only almost here

-Brian Mcfadden

Posted by jieyi at 9:40 PM

Saturday, March 26, 2005

For those interested, this is my 2nd appeal kind of thing that I'm submitting in... [editted version thanks to Sybil and Mathias=english pro]
Dear Mrs Lim,

I am here to appeal to you to allow me to remain in Temasek Junior College. I will like to express my utmost desire to stay in TJ for the next 1 year and 9 months. For the past 3 months, TJ had brought me new experiences, new friendships and a source of new found joy.
TJ offers me my ideal combination that I really want to take which is LEP, Physics, Economics and Maths C. As I am currently posted to Nanyang Junior College, I am afraid that they do not offer me such odd cross combination. If I have to go to Nanyang, I would have to take another entirely new and different subject.

Since I have already taken subjects that are offered only by TJ in the first 3 months, going there will also put me at a disadvantage. I will be lagging behind my peers who have taken the subject. Moreover, readjusting myself in a totally new environment is very difficult and not a pleasant experience. This is my central reason for wanting to remain in Temasek, as I hope to be able to pursue the subjects I know I have the passion for. I sincerely hope that you would grant me this opportunity, as I am not willing to give up as yet.

I believe that this combination will aid me in my future job prospects. China is now coined as the land of opportunities and by taking LEP, I am at a greater advantage in my future career prospects. In addition, I will like to major in either engineering courses or economic courses in the university. This combination will hence allow me to pursue my interest and benefit me as such.

I benefit from the freedom TJ provides for students in organizing activities. I truly want to be part of the organizing team in TJ, to serve the school and to contribute my all in making TJ a better place. As a prefect in my secondary school, I have the experience and the potential to work with others to make a difference in the 2 years if I were to stay in TJ. The good infrastructure of the various organising committees in TJ such as the Student Council and the House Committee will allow me to extend my leadership capabilities to its fullest extent and stretch me to my maximum capacity.

In addition, my tutors in TJ convinced me that my academic performances are being well taken care of. They will readily render their help to all students by giving one-to-one teaching and coaching. Moreover, their relationship with my class extends beyond the four walls of the classroom. They have constantly interacted with us, and cross the boundaries of a typical teacher student relationship. They have become more of friends, friends who impart knowledge to us and make us feel like grown up individuals on an equal footing.

The new friendships that I have forged for the last 3 months made it especially memorable for me. Attending school daily is a joyful experience because I will be able to meet my ex-TKGS friends and my new found friends. It makes school extremely enjoyable and so it is truly difficult for me to have to leave everything behind and proceed on to another college.

Also, Nanyang Junior College is roughly a 2 hour-bus-trip from my place of residence whilst TJ is a mere 45 minute-bus-trip. It is certainly more convenient for me to travel to TJ as compared to Nanyang Junior College. Considering that the PDPs will end quite late, I will be very exhausted and I am afraid that this will be detrimental to my school work, as I am not having the right framework of mind to study and concentrate well.

I sincerely hope that I can stay on in TJ to complete my pre-university course, as I believe that it is one of the most ideal places to do so. Moreover, TJ is the only junior college that can offer me that combination that I request for. I hope that you will grant me this request that I know will change my life for the better. Thank you very much.

Yours faithfully,
See Jie Yi

I really wonder how much chance am I given ...*cross my fingers and hope to stay*

Posted by jieyi at 5:04 PM

I'm really wondering now how many more setbacks that god can put me through.

It feels like you are walking through this maze. You can hear everyone shouting out at the ending point," Come on! You can do it! It is a little bit more before you will make it out!" I am feeling really excited about being able to meet all of them. But as I try harder to find my way out of the maze, I keep hitting a dead end. The harder I ran, the harder I fell, the more painful each experiences felt. I am really tired now, but I am not giving up. Insandium's cheer: fight kilL, fight kill, fight kill fight kill fight kill!!

At the beginning, at least there were a few people accompanying me. We were somewhat on the same boat, because we faced the same problem. However, as time passes by, some of them reached the end before me, while others simply dropped behind returning back to the starting line. It feels like, I am in the maze all alone, though I could feel the presence of everyone else, but I know that this is my race. No one can help me run this race. It is a race of perserverence and I'm going on.

Give me some strength please.

Posted by jieyi at 11:53 AM

Thursday, March 24, 2005

Somebody please give me the strength to continue on all these. Stop telling me its god already. I need the strength...

Posted by jieyi at 11:40 PM

Wednesday, March 23, 2005

Ok, I think that this kind of experience is a once in a life time kind of thing.

Let me ask you this question: Have you tried waiting for something to happen? Have you tried waiting so hard so much for the other party to accpet you? Have you been so fearful of a telephone call before.

Well, my answer to the above are all yes. This makes me really tired. Wish that everything will end soon and with a happy note. Guess I have to go through this whole gruelling ordeal tomorrow again. May I be as lucky as Amanda and Keow Koon. God bless me... please?

*Thank you for being there today to pull me through, thank you all of you all for being there to give me all the strength...I shall be a stronger me after everything(:*

Posted by jieyi at 10:41 PM

Tuesday, March 22, 2005

My dear appeal letter to Lai Cheng for anyone who is interested:

The first 3 months in TJ had been a refreshing experience. For the first time, I felt that we were treated like young adults, because TJ allows her students to participate directly in decision making processes. We were allowed to choose the time-table that we prefer, though Plan A, B and C got all of us confused. We can express our ideas over the forums, a direct reflection of our opinions to the school management. The best part of it was that some of these ideas were actualized. This is a unique feature of TJ that I have never had before that really makes us feel rooted to the school.

TJ offers many possible opportunities for us. In my secondary school, we were made to take up leadership positions. Yet over here, we have to grab these opportunities. Leadership positions for the Second Orientation were based on free-will. Only those interested signed up for it. This has taught me that who you want to be, will depend on how you make it happen.

I enjoy the freedom TJ provides for students to organize activities. I want to share and be part of the organizing team in TJ, to serve the school and contribute my abilities to making TJ a better place. Although this may sound cliché, I am truly missing the good old days when I could organize events for the students to enjoy and challenge my abilities at the same time. I believe that in TJ, I will be able to extend my leadership capabilities to its fullest extent.

In addition, my tutors in TJ convinced me that my academic performances are being well taken care of. They will readily render their help to all students by giving one-to-one teaching and coaching. Moreover, their relationship with my class extends beyond the four walls of the classroom. They have constantly interacted with us, and cross the boundaries of a typical teacher student relationship. They have become more of friends, friends who impart knowledge to us and make us feel like grown up individuals on an equal footing.
[PS: This paragraph is kindly contributed by our dear Mathias. Thank you so much(:]

I sincerely do hope that you will provide another chance for me to remain in TJ even though I am just one of the many appeals that you are reading through. Thank you.(:

“helplessness comes about when you just can’t control so many things is life”

All the rest is just in the hands of some god or maybe fate. If I can stay on, I shall stay. If I can't, what else can I do?

Posted by jieyi at 11:25 PM

Monday, March 21, 2005

Silence is such a beautiful thing when 2 person can sit beside each other, enjoying each other companionship without speaking a single word, yet not feeling awkward. Silence is only awkward when you are uncertain, you are afraid that the other party might be feeling bored.It sounds really funny that 2 person can sit down in such silence, doing nothing at all but it is all that counts.

I love the silence of the night, because the sound kills all your emotions.

-I have a premonition...that something bad is going to happen soon.-

Posted by jieyi at 8:37 PM

Sunday, March 20, 2005

Haha, I really feel like laughing out loud again, because school's going to start tomorrow.

I DON'T WANT IT TO BEGIN!!

This sounds like how I will sound after every holidays. I do not feel like I am in the mood to go to school, receive my posting and make new friends again. It is somehow not the mood to rejoice in new friendships, well, March is never the month to do anything. I just have prejudice against the month of March and July. Do not ask me why, I just do not like them in particular.

I think the gay parties issue as mentioned by MP Balaji is really hilarious. I was laughing my way through while reading. It kind of disgusts him, that gays are openly, legally copulating in front of the government's watchful eyes, as such spreading HIV virus.

I mean what a reaction our MP has of gay parties, although he attempts to hide is contempt behind his masked actions, but isn't it quite obvious that he cannot wait to stifle the gay movement in Singapore.

Posted by jieyi at 8:54 PM

Thursday, March 17, 2005

I'm missing everybody.
But I'm not missing the lessons.
School's going to start.
But I don't care.
Looking forward to tomorrow's barbeque.
Heh.

BMI, who cares about it. I mean you spend 70 odd, short years on earth, only to be bothered about what you eat, where you live, how you dress. Ultimately, before you die, you realise that you are just like a baby, lying down helplessly on your deathbed.

Would you be bothered to remember the quality of food you have eaten?
Which posh, rich house you are residing in?
Have anybody wondered what is the last thing that you will ever think of before you leave?

I would like to remember how I had spent my whole life. Do I have anything that I regret not doing? In fact, I'll agree with a friend who mentioned that every human lives, only to anticipate death. Death is the greatest moment ever to occur because you will never experience it again.

Posted by jieyi at 8:14 PM

Monday, March 14, 2005

Life's getting more complicated when you know about more things. Sometimes it is just better to know less, since life is already complicated, why do I want to further complicate it by thinking so much about it?

I mean things would have been simpler if people would stop stirring up things. Changes come about because they change and not me. I am forced to change my attitude and behaviour thanks to them and I really do not want that to happen. It leaves everyone feeling awkward. I like it simple. [:

Posted by jieyi at 10:51 PM

Saturday, March 12, 2005

I really love the song that Sybil added on her blog. Its a song by 3 doors down, title is Let me Go. The lyrics is something like:

In my head there's only you now
This world falls on me
In this world there's real and make believe
And this seems real to me

You love me but you don't know who I am
I'm torn between this life I lead and where I stand
And you love me but you don't know who I am
So let me go
Let me go

Sometimes I do really wonder if I really know those who are around me, even though they are just beside me. How many people do know me and how many people do I really know?

Posted by jieyi at 8:39 PM

I'm in no mood to do much blogging today.

Just want to tell you that, hope that you will not take things too hard. Don't be so greedy, too many commitments will weigh you down. Take things easy in life, you are not superman so don't try to do so many things at one go. We will all support you even if you were to reach the lowest point in your life. You do have true friends here, not everyone is superficial. Cheer up ok? When you are ready, you can always count on us.

Posted by jieyi at 1:06 PM

Monday, March 07, 2005

People, pictures for the steamboat on Saturday are finally up!!
http://www.imagestation.com/album/pictures.html?id=2129832547&idx=0

Saturday was a day of pure fun and madness. The whole big group of us went down to Marina Bay and had a lot of FUN! Firstly, we must all thank Mathias for organizing it[: *claps hands.. Everyone was so happy during the whole thing and I enjoyed myself thoroughly. Was kind of rejuvenated after a rather depressing week. Life is maybe filled with more joy than the sad and sorrows that we have to go through.

LOve all of you all always~And may we all be with each other through thick and thin.
*PS: If you all want to watch the video that I took, remember to ask from me when I'm online!!

= Mr. Dimi-beep- all of us here can certifiy, stamp, chop that MS and Cherlyn are officially good housewives for you!!= (:

Posted by jieyi at 8:53 PM

Friday, March 04, 2005

It's a Glad, Sad, Mad World.

These different feelings were racing through my mind ever since Monday. I realise its important to be happy and I shall be for as long as I can.

Sometimes, things just happen before even we do know it. Whenever we try so hard to gain some things that we feel might be important, yet as time passes, we realise that we have lost things that are what we have ought to cherish. We try to treasure the lost items, but we are unable to because all things changes. Picking up shattered pieces of glass cuts your fingers and even if you were to piece them together, it will never be back to how it was.

Posted by jieyi at 8:21 PM

Thursday, March 03, 2005

I think I am thinking too much that makes my life pretty sad now.

I want to hold on to too many things and people which is almost impossible. I am too greedy to be happy for now. Yeah.

Posted by jieyi at 12:36 AM

Tuesday, March 01, 2005

Ha..just read through the various people's blog and I found Desmond's entry the closest to what I feel.

-I am a bastard-

Heh, don't bother comforting me because no amount of words can help me now. Such a helpless feeling of wanting to do my best but end up with some crap results. Feel like crying but no one to cry to and I just can't cry it in front of myself. I'm too proud to do it in front of myself.

-Nobody's home-
I couldn't tell you why she felt that way,
She felt it everyday.
And I couldn't help her,
I just watched her make the same mistakes again.

What's wrong, what's wrong now?
Too many, too many problems.
Don't know where she belongs, where she belongs.
She wants to go home, but nobody's home.
It's where she lies, broken inside.
With no place to go, no place to go to dry her eyes.
Broken inside.

Open your eyes and look outside, find a reasons why.
You've been rejected, and now you can't find what you left behind.
Be strong, be strong now.
Too many, too many problems.
Don't know where she belongs, where she belongs.
She wants to go home, but nobody's home.
It's where she lies, broken inside.
With no place to go, no place to go to dry her eyes.
Broken inside.

Her feelings she hides.
Her dreams she can't find.
She's losing her mind.
She's fallen behind.
She can't find her place.
She's losing her faith.
She's fallen from grace.
She's all over the place.
Yeah,oh

She wants to go home, but nobody's home.
It's where she lies, broken inside.
With no place to go, no place to go to dry her eyes.
Broken inside.
She's lost inside, lost inside...oh oh yeah
She's lost inside, lost inside...oh oh yeah